Daily Bread

     I used to joke that if I could make money doing this that I would become a millionaire. I knew I was only smoking the profits for I was folding an economy to which the door had already closed. I was not prepared to resign the few moral convictions which I possessed, but did it only have to be a matter of time before I knew my own true dark nature or could have I lived as a blind nomad on the backs of my equally blind neighbors? For the truth had become like manna from heaven, that we will all die and we don't really know where we come from because we do not really understand our connection to each other. Our blindness was not of that connection or to each other but for ourselves which we have fruitlessly frivolously and futily circumvented at our own expense, our own necessary sufferings remaining. We should have what we want as beings apart of this world and I have narrowed down the things holding me back to the very things themselves:
     1. University, 2. Heathens, 3. Cigarettes, 4. Mom, and 5. California
And thus I know who I truly am and all that it is which I should be saving for.

1. University
     I had been encouraged (groomed) from a very young age to go to college when I was older, and I had become duly separated in preparation to my knowledge atypical. I grew bored of it before they thought they knew what to do with me. They should have asked me instead of what I want to be when I grow up, what I want to do right now. I simply was left grappling the ultrapersonal conundrum of my overall performance, if my seemingly gifted aptitude really merited such focused enrichment.

2.
     Heathens are simply defined by me as anyone who works on sunday, which should be a day of rest. I too was guilty before I saw the beauty of a disciplined schedule atune to commercial behavior. Mysterious barriers may be discovered in respect to certain under-and-overlying systems, and if I'm wrong, then gangway to forged traditions.

3. Cigarettes
     we never really got along or enjoyed each others company or presence.

4. Mom

     She wants me to be safe so she may be without worry. I know her worrying is her job in life, which is why it is on this list of things to get past and not necessarily destroy. Which brings me to

5. California

     Mentioned in countless songs, fictionalized and idealized, where dreams are born and where dreamers go to die, California has a special place in my heart which I hope is only true for every American. Its as perfect as it can get which is good enough for me, and if being perfect all the time means getting boring once in a while, I'll take it, because this unpredictable lifestyle is getting out of hand. I know there are likeminded people there, those who consider it home and more migrants like me who want nothing more than warm rain, mild winters and blazing summers. I'm not trying to escape because I don't really have it all that bad, nothing to complain about, but I can't say I tried if I don't, but I can say I didn't try even if I do. Now I have it in writing, I'm 28 years old lying in a bed that isn't mine by myself with a flashlight in my mouth. I'm moving to California.