pavlovs disciple

I would have children if I thought it was necessary to the continuity of life, but I know the only thing that is necessary is nothing, because it implies something. It's been a long winter and I've developed some "evil" tendencies while revoking principles and messing with our mind. I've been cooped up inside and out, waiting for sun light shine and heat, singing under my breath, becoming a night person. I've felt bipolar, schizophrenic, hypochondriac, a.d.d., unsure, normal. I went to the doctor for physical pain but the real doctors are microscopic, they know that. 

If I had the opportunity to give one piece of advice, I would first have to think of one. I'd like to be on the red carpet for this, furrowed brow in the camera. And silently during reflection, catching glimpses of those really, physically around me, my mind might wander to a paranoid state, maybe realizing upon thinking of one, "I did not get here dispensing advice," and so further manipulating my position of power by saying the opposite of what I believe; I know they'd eat it up anyway. 

My thoughts are rapid. Reason is man's downfall. I don't give credit where credit is traditionally merited. I want to be the change I want to see but I need to be the change I need to see. I'm developing my voice, channeling and funneling characters from my life, on the screen and off. 

How will I be remembered? Am I a reason to be alive?

I've considered myself to be socially inept as I fail to meet so many expectations I hold for myself, trying to fight the obvious things around me, as I fight those less and less obvious. From the little notes I leave myself, to the coffee I had yesterday morning, to the song stuck in my head and whether listening to it makes it better or worse. I see how people die from too much, and I see how people live with too much. 

I take care of myself. I carry my own weight. Good and bad, they come and they go. 

Orange juice is liquid sunshine unless its frozen or absent.